A mind's turmoil

I thought it would be easier to leave her standing there

With her broken heart, her insecurities, her fears...

I thought I did not care...

He would try his best to read me, to get me, to see me.

He would come and stay silent for a while and watch me...

Me, as I stared blankly, beyond him - not seeing him.

I would close my eyes and drift away, momentarily

Wishing that life would revive me.

Wishing to reclaim me - an I identity, lost.

No tears fall from these cold eyes,

Frozen emotions that feel no emotion...

Though, love was there, standing beside me

This coma was more than I could bare...

It's all in my mind, they say...

but in reality, I'm living a nightmare.

She is my love, She's the one I long to hold and reassure...

Reassure her that I'm here and will always be here. 

I see her turmoil written on the lines that crease her forehead -

Her face, sullen; eyes distant... 

and I feel her torture seeping into my soul; I wish to rid the pain that she holds...

But she's not letting me in...

Drifting like the waves crashing on the sand, she moves like she's in a trance.

This trance has taken her over.

I long for the glimpse of her smile of a happier time - a breath of fresh air to my soul -

Her eyes dancing with the sun as she laughs...

Yes, I wish to revive the warmth of her touch now frail and stone cold...

If only... I want to make this journey with her...

If her world is no longer here and in a distance place - I want to be there...

Sigh...

He's so confused right now... He's looking at me still, trying to read me.

Oh how I want to tell him... So much I want him to know, but...

He's hurting for me... I want him to go away..

Why doesn't he leave?

My eyes are now affixed on her back; her body in a slant...

Droppy shoulders send me a warning - hopeless...

And I am in a hopeless state right now, cause I can't leave her.

In and out a maze of confusion

A realm of illusion...

Mind trailing mind... 

Boxed in a world without escape...

No doors, no shutters, no window pane...

Cast away like the forgotten...

An inevitable fate.

And if an embrace could heal

or that one solitary touch, could melt a heart

maybe the right words to say,

the right moment, the right time...

Maybe we'd break free from the caged mind - 

walls that blocked out the memory of us.

Could we co-exist again, in a world of revolving doors?

Maybe we'd break the silence...

but then, are we conscious?

Written by: Rachael N. Collymore

© 2011

20.01.2011